Got A Gauge On How Much He’s BSing You

, , , , , , | Right | March 30, 2020

(I work in a large professional music store in Vancouver and we serve all types.)

Me: “Hey, what can I get you?”

Customer: “I’m the guitar player for Melissa Etheridge. I need some guitar strings.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Cool.”

(I notice his tour tag around his neck that he apparently needed to wear outside the concert venue for our enjoyment.)

Me: “What kind of strings do you need?”

Customer: “Guitar strings, bud.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of guitar strings?”

Customer: “Six-string.”

Me: “Acoustic or electric?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: *puzzled* “Do you need strings for an electric guitar or an acoustic guitar?”

Customer: “Electric.”

Me: “What brand and gauge of string do you want?”

Customer: “Yuppers. Electric.”

Me: “Do you want Ernie Ball? D’Addario’s?” 

Customer: “I don’t know. Whatever.”

Me: “Do you use a particular brand?”

Customer: “’Lectrics, usually.”

Me: “Okay… What gauge?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “What gauge do you use? Lights, Extra Lights, Medium…”

Customer: “Dude, they’re not cigs, they’re strings.”

Me: “I know that but they come in different gauges, depending on what you like. I use lights, for example.”

Customer: *cocky* “Oh, so you’re a player? Ever play in concert? Like in front of a ton of screaming fans?”

Me: “I’ve played some cool gigs, but nothing like Melissa Etheridge. Maybe a thousand people at most.”

Customer: *laughs condescendingly* “Dude, that’s pretty bad. Small-time.”

Me: *annoyed* “Well, at least I know what gauge I use. That’s gotta be worth something. How is it that you play with Melissa Etheridge but you don’t know what strings or gauge you use? Are you sure you play with her?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Let’s go over to the guitar area and maybe you can show me some licks.” 

Customer: “Dude, I don’t have time for that. It’s not guitar lesson time.”

Me: “Surely you’ve got two minutes to whip off some licks? Here, just wait and I’ll get a guitar.”

Customer: “Dude, I gotta go here. I gotta get back.”

(He starts leaving the store.)

Me: “What about the strings?”

Customer: *out the door* “No time!”

(Turns out he was most likely just a roadie as he certainly wasn’t the guitar tech, who would have known about such things.)

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