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Gosh, We’ve Never Felt So Safe

, , , , , | Working | November 23, 2021

My night security guard patrols the site and watches the cameras. It’s not a job for everyone, but it’s easy work and the pay isn’t bad.

After a series of vandalism issues, we install patrol beacons. Security has to follow a set route and scan the barcodes throughout the shift. The idea is that we’ll know the key areas of the site are being checked at regular intervals, and it doesn’t hurt to make sure they are doing their job properly when left alone.

[Security Guard] instantly has a major issue with this, threatens to quit, claims his rights are being infringed, etc., etc., etc. I tell him to stop being an idiot; this is what he should have been doing all along, it is zero extra work, and it’s in his contract. 

I check the scans one morning after his shift and somehow he is doing the patrol at record speed. Normally, we want a slow walk so they can look around, but [Security Guard] must be running full speed all the way round. For an obese guy in winter gear who often uses a mobility scooter, this doesn’t seem right.

I check the camera footage from the security hut and it’s black; it’s recording but black. Something isn’t right.

After a couple of days with the same pattern, I get up at 2:00 am and go to the site, passing three security cameras. I manage to walk up to the security hut without being questioned and open the door to find [Security Guard] asleep, the camera covered, and a printout of all the security beacons sitting on his desk

I’m angry, but I see his car keys on the desk and have another idea. I take his car and move it behind the skips and out of view. I sneak back to the hut and hang the keys in the key box — which he should also check — and leave.

Despite having little to no sleep, I’m back on site early to check on [Security Guard]. 

Security Guard: “Oh, no, oh, no, oh no!”

Me: “Something wrong, [Security Guard]?”

Security Guard: “Someone has stolen my car!”

Me: “From here?”

Security Guard: “Yes! They must have. They must have taken it when I did my patrol.”

Me: “Oh, no. What time?”

Security Guard: “Why does that matter?”

Me: “If I know the time, I can check the recording. Was it your 8:00 pm or 2:00 am patrol?”

Security Guard: “I don’t know.”

Me: “But you watch the cameras all night. Surely you would have noticed your own car missing? Or did you fall asleep?! Not doing your patrols, like you have been all week?”

Security Guard: “No, I haven’t. I—”

Me: “Your keys are in the key box. Your car is still in the car park; I moved it this morning. Come in early tomorrow for a meeting on your performance.”

He didn’t show, and he never came back after that. We employed another guard the next day. Vandalism is down and we haven’t had another issue since.