Gosh Darn Lefties!

(I was driving to work over a holiday weekend when I passed a state trooper sitting between the north and south lanes of the interstate. He pulled out after me and came up so fast and so close that I couldn’t see his the front of his car in my rearview mirror. Out of paranoia, I checked my speed and saw that I was going less than five miles an hour over the speed limit. After about a mile, he turned on his siren. I was in the left lane with no chance of getting to the right lane because of all the traffic, so I pulled over to the left when we reached a place where I could do so without impeding traffic. He followed me over and stopped behind me, his car halfway in the lane. The traffic behind him had to quickly switch to the right lane to avoid rear-ending his vehicle. After a few minutes he came to my door.)

Trooper: “What in the h*** do you think you’re doing?”

Me: “I… I don’t understand.”

Trooper: “License, registration, and insurance. And just so you know, I have a body cam and microphone on me.”

Me: “Okay.” *hands over my information* “Um, why was I—“

Trooper: “I’ll be back.”

(The state trooper takes my information and goes back to his vehicle for another ten minutes before returning.)

Trooper: “Read over the instructions on your ticket and make sure you pay the fine.”

Me: “What did I do?”

Trooper: “You pulled over on the left side!”

Me: “I mean, why did you pull me over?”

Trooper: “You went to the left! You should pull over on the right.”

Me: “There was bumper to bumper traffic in the right lane. Should I have cut across traffic?”

Trooper: “You need to obey the law in a manner that is safe for you and the other drivers.”

Me: “Okay…”

Trooper: “You can’t just pull over where you feel like.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I still don’t understand. You pulled me over because…?”

Trooper: “You pulled over on the wrong side! Why is this so difficult for you?”

Me: “You’re saying you pulled me over because I pulled over?”

Trooper: “Don’t get smart.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand what the original reason was. You turned on your siren, I pulled over. Now I’ve got a ticket because I pulled over?”

Trooper: “It’s not that hard to understand.”

(And with that, he walked back to his vehicle and left. I fought the ticket in court, stating that the officer gave me a ticket for pulling over on the left, but wouldn’t tell me what I did to merit being pulled over at all. We watched the video of the event, complete with the trooper pulling out right on my bumper and how he refused to answer why I was being pulled over in the first place. When asked, the trooper still kept repeating that he was ticketing me for pulling over on the left instead of the right. The ticket was dropped, much to his frustration. I still don’t know what was going on in his head.)