Good Luck Baby-Proofing THAT

My father-in-law lives on a farm out in the Brazilian countryside. I didn’t grow up in the country and have always been careful around any creepy crawlies in case they have a nasty surprise. As you can imagine, when visiting the farm, there is a good mix of insects, spiders, snakes, and even scorpions to be aware of.

I am playing with my five-month-old son in the front room when I look up and see a spider about the size of my hand crawling up the sofa about a metre away. I grab the baby and go and find my husband (the native).

Me: “[Husband], there is a giant spider on the sofa, can you have a look and see if it is safe or not?”

Husband: “Oh, [My Name], it can’t be that bad.”

It should be said, I am not afraid of spiders or things like that, and have never exaggerated about one in my life. He gets up to have a look and immediately swears loudly. This attracts the attention of one of the housekeepers there, who immediately runs off to grab the bug spray once she has caught a glimpse of it.

Me: “So… that’s a bad one, huh?”

Husband: “Ah, it would give you a nasty bite, but probably wouldn’t kill you.”

Me: *Still holding my son.* “And the baby?”

Husband: *After a few seconds.* “It might kill the baby, yeah.”

Welcome to the tropics!