Gonna Get Pigeonholed As An Unemployed Person

My uncle got sick — really sick. Rather than let his company shut down, as I was the only family member with any experience, I was asked to do “what I could” to help the business stay open.

At first, many of the guys tried to take liberties, lie about working hours, etc. But most of that was written down so I could catch them out. 

One employee was particularly bad. Not only would he lie, sneak off, and do very little actual work, but he would also refuse to do anything he saw as not his job, even when it meant missing a major delivery. The guy was toxic. Unfortunately, he knew his contract and the company rule book inside and out — probably the only reason he hadn’t been sacked until now.

I gave the guy several chances, but he kept pushing more and more. He clearly didn’t respect me and didn’t see me as his boss.

When he started to not show up to work, I’d had enough. I started the disciplinary process. But [Employee] thought he could use the rules in his favour, becauses if you were sick and couldn’t make the disciplinary meeting, it had to be rescheduled. 

So, we began months of cat and mouse. Eventually, I caught him out; he ran out of sick days and had to have a meeting or his pay would stop. That’s when I got him in a disciplinary meeting.

Me: “Do you know why you are here?”

Employee: “No.”

Me: “Hmm, okay. Here is a list of times you were late, here is a list of times you didn’t show without authorisation, and here is a list of times you left early.”

Employee: “So?”

Me: “So, this exceeds the company’s acceptable absence policy. I’m afraid we are going to have to terminate your contract here.”

Employee: *With a smug look on his face* “You have to give me three warnings to allow me to change the pattern of behaviour.”

Me: “You’re quoting the company policy on absence; I know it well. But it states that the warning can be verbal or written. You have seventeen warnings on your absences.”

Employee: “I haven’t received anything.”

Me: “Really? Have you checked your pigeon hole?”

Employee: “What pigeon hole?”

Me: “For internal mail, remember? I asked you repeatedly to clear it out.”

Employee: “But no one checks them!”

Me: “That’s immaterial. I will be passing your termination papers to Human Resources this afternoon.”

Employee: “But you’re not my boss!”

Me: “No, but I spoke to him about this, and he was delighted to hear that you were being fired.”

He left, but not before knocking over everything he could. I sent all the letters from his pigeon hole to his home address — a little forget-me-not.