Goat Ya To Admit It!

, , , , , | Right | August 14, 2019

(Every Saturday for eight weeks, a friend and I sell knitted and crocheted animals that we made at a craft fair. Most of the proceeds go towards a children’s cancer charity and the rest go toward covering the cost of materials. It’s the last week of the craft fair and I’m approached by an irate lady while my friend is taking a moment to browse the rest of the fair.)

Lady: “I bought a stuffed rabbit from you a month ago for my children and I’m completely appalled! The entire thing unraveled a few days ago!”

(All rabbits we had for sale were made by me, so I’m horrified that I might have made and sold an inferior product.)

Me: “Oh, no! I’m sorry! I must not have tied the ends off as well as I thought I did!”

Lady: “I expect a full refund for it for the trouble it caused me!”

Me: “Normally, I don’t accept refunds, but if it really did just unravel for no reason, I’ll be able to make an exception just this once, provided you have it with you.”

Lady: “Of course. It’s right here.”

(She reaches into her purse and removes what once was a realistic Dutch rabbit, and I’m horrified by its condition. It clearly didn’t “just unravel,” as it’s completely filthy and looks like it was chewed apart by an animal.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid I can’t offer you a refund since this clearly didn’t unravel for no reason. It looks like your dog ate it. Did your kids maybe leave it where it could get a hold of it?”

Lady: “She’s not a dog; she’s a goat!”

(There’s a beat as she realized what she just said.)

Lady: “Right. Do you maybe have another one I can buy to replace it with?”

(Later, when my friend returned to the table, I got to tell her all about the crazy lady who tried to scam us out of the $25 she paid for a rabbit and had her top my story with one about a man who complained that his tarantula wouldn’t play with the cat toy that he had bought from her.)

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