Go Nude Or Go Home

(It’s about four am when I receive a call from my boyfriend, who works third shift. I’m a fairly heavy sleeper, and it takes a while for me to wake up. I also sleep nude, as I’ve always found it more comfortable than wearing even light pajamas.)

Boyfriend: “I’m too tired to drive home from work today. Mind if I crash at your place?”

Me: *still half-asleep* “Yeah. Just knock when you get here and I’ll let you in.”

(I fall asleep as soon as the call ends, only waking up when I hear pounding on the door to my studio apartment.)

Me: *opens the door, barely keeping my eyes open* “Mornin’.”

(My boyfriend stands there for a few minutes, and when I blink away the sleep from my eyes I realize he’s looking at me in disgust.)

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “You’re naked.”

Me: *looks down at myself* “Yeah? I was sleeping.”

Boyfriend: “Well, get dressed! What if someone sees you?”

Me: “Then they see a naked fat chick letting her boyfriend in at four am. What’s the problem?”

(My apartment is on the second floor, in the back corner of the complex. Someone would have to be extremely determined, and capable of climbing trees, to look in on me.)

Boyfriend: “Go get dressed this instant.”

Me: *laughs* “I pay the rent; I’ll sleep nude if I want.”

Boyfriend: *getting increasingly flustered* “I’m not coming in until you get some clothes on, and that’s final.”

Me: “Then you’ll sleep in your car. Or outside. I don’t care; I’ve got work in the morning and I’m exhausted.”

Boyfriend: *crosses his arms and stares me down, like some overgrown toddler about to throw a tantrum, for a good minute*

Me: “Good night.” *shuts the door on his face and goes back to bed*

(I woke up to several angry messages from him, almost all of them summed up as, “You’re the worst person in the world and we’re through.” I didn’t bother responding, but I wonder why he was so adamant I cover myself, while he made me hold the door open for five minutes instead of just coming in.)