Go Directly To Jail, Do Not Rekindle Friendship

(I’m chatting with my best mate and his girlfriend. His girlfriend notes that she hasn’t seen me for a while and we’re working out what happened over the past few months to stop us from meeting up. Note that my girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks previously.)

Me: “I think we were gonna do the couples board games night, but…”

Mate: “I was busy for, like, the whole month. I thought you’d think we were trying to avoid you.”

Me: “Oh, yeah. And then I got busy.”

Mate: “And we went on holiday.”

Me: “And then [Ex-Girlfriend] and I started having problems and I thought, probably best not to throw the board games night into the mix in case it got awkward.”

Mate: “What? You mean you didn’t think, ‘I know what will fix my dying relationship – a nice game of Monopoly’? I mean, nobody’s ever argued over that.”

Me: “Yeah, shocking, that. What was I thinking…”