Giving Them Exactly What They Ask For

, , , , | Right | February 12, 2020

(It’s a slow day in the dive shop where I work when a very harassed, irritable-looking woman with a mean look on her face comes storming into the store. As I am already sitting at the reservations desk upon her entering, I begin with my usual greeting.)

Me: “Good morning! How can I he—”

Customer: *cuts me off mid-sentence, stops and looks me dead in the eye* “No. I am in a hurry, so I’m going to stop you right there and spare us both a load of bulls***. No, I don’t want your help. No, I don’t want you to point me in the direction of anything. No, I don’t want to hear what sales and promotions you have. No, I don’t want to hear about your ‘awesome new dive trips’—” *yes, she really does do the air quotes* “—No. I Do. Not. Care. All I want from you is to do your job, which is customer service, and answer just this one simple question with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. Can you do that?”

Me: *thinking internally “here we go” but puts on my sweet tour-desk girl smile* “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Good. Remember now, very simple, either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response: do you have any brochures on your dive courses?”

Me: “Yes.”

(I stand behind my desk smiling sweetly. The customer stands there, arms crossed, glaring at me. We look at each other for a few seconds. The customer starts tapping her finger on her arm and looking more annoyed. Just when I am about to say, “Would you like me to grab one for you?”, she explodes.)

Customer: “WELL, ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE? ARE YOU GOING TO GET ME ONE?! WHAT?!”

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