Giving Your Restroom A Rest

(My family recently moved from the country to town, and we now live next to a church. While it shouldn’t be a problem, as the church is only ever used on Sunday, we seem to have this problem every week, and it’s always the same person.)

Regular: *knocks on door*

Mom: *opens door* “May I help you?”

Regular: “Hi! Can I use your bathroom? The one at the church is clogged.”

Mom: “You are over here every week, claiming it’s clogged.”

Regular: “Oh! It isn’t for me this time; it’s for that dad and his kids.” *points to a dad with two children who look under five*

Mom: “Fine. Only those three can come in.”

Regular: *starts to push way into house*

Mom: *pushes him back* “I never said you can come in.”

Regular: *gets huffy* “But why not? I have to use the bathroom, too!”

Mom: “Well, I guess all of you will have to hold it. My house is not your public restroom. Good day, sir.” *closes door*

Regular: “I hope your f****** house burns down!” *storms off*

(He was back next week, knocking on our door, trying to get into the bathroom. We have no clue why he wants to use our bathroom, but none of the other churchgoers have complained about a clogged toilet or come over to our house to use one. We even threatened to call the cops if he does it again, and he seemed to back off after that.)