Giving Birth To The Returner Culture

(I am out to lunch with a of couple girlfriends for one’s birthday, and the birthday girl’s three year old daughter. While I don’t have or want any of my own, kids don’t really bother me.)

Me: *after about five minutes of the girl hanging on me, including standing in my lap to wave to the kitchen staff* “Okay, [Birthday Girl], you can have her back now.”

Birthday Girl: “Nuh-uh, she’s yours now! There’s no return policy!”

Other Friend: “Honey, there was a no return policy when she fell out of your vagina.”