Giving Birth To A Whole New Mess

(It’s later in the evening so we have a reduced staff: I’m on salads, plus there’s a pizza cook, a delivery driver, and a waitress. At the moment we have no orders to make and our only table is a young couple. The woman is very pregnant and has told our waitress that she is due any day. They’ve been chatting about babies and baby names for the last half hour or so, when the waitress suddenly comes running into the kitchen, looking frantic.)

Waitress: “Oh, my god! She’s in labor!”

Cook: “Really?”

Me: “Oh, my god, do they need us to call anyone?”

Waitress: “No, they just need the rest of their food boxed up.” *she runs back out into the dining room with boxes*

(The rest of the staff is having a moment of quiet contemplation until the waitress returns.)

Waitress: “I can’t believe they’re so calm! Her water just broke, too!”

Me: “I always thought that meant birth is gonna happen pretty quickly; are they sure they’re okay?”

Waitress: “Yeah, they said they’ll be fine, just driving.”

Cook: “Wow…”

Driver: “Wait, if her water broke, who’s cleaning that up?”

(We all kinda turn to stare at him, and then the cook bursts out laughing.)

Cook: “Look at this guy! We’re all marveling at the start of a new life and he’s like, who’s cleaning this s*** up?”