Gives New Meaning To The Free Market

(I work for a telecom company, which grants me many benefits. I have been receiving a phone calls all day on my cellphone.)

Caller: “Hello, Mr. [Name]! You’ve been with us for over two years and are now eligible for a hardware upgrade!”

Me: *feigning innocence* “Oh, really? What is that?”

Caller: “If you sign a new contract, you can get a new phone. We have much better monthly plans than we had two years ago!”

Me: “Do me a favour. Look at my current plan. What do you see?”

Caller: “Well, you brought in your own device which means that we can get you even more—”

Me: “Wait. What else do you see? What’s my plan?”

Caller: “Well, you are currently paying… $0 a month and have unlimited… everything.”

Me: “That’s right. Now, unless you start paying me to use your service, I don’t think there’s much you can do.”

Caller: “Right. I’m just going to mark you down as ‘do not call.'”