They Give Zero Hours, You Give Zero F***s

(I work at a company that sells medical equipment. The moment my boss goes on maternity leave, the department is restructured and her job eliminated — a common work-around employers use in the UK to circumvent maternity rights. That restructuring has been catastrophic for the office, and people are leaving left, right, and centre, not that management have noticed any change but the savings. Many suspect they’re just trying to constructively dismiss the old guard on full-time contracts and replace us with zero-hours workers, a process which has already begun. I’m at the reception desk one day; this is not my job, but my team has gone from five to two people in a few weeks, and someone has to do it. A few colleagues come through.)

HR Worker: “Hi, [My Name].”

Me: “Hey, you all right?”

HR Worker: “Yeah. Still here. Are you?”

Me: “Yes?”

HR Worker: “Well, look at that. I honestly didn’t know you were still here.”

Me: *speechless*

HR Worker: “Ah, well. Determined to be the last man standing, are you?”

Me: *resolving to use company time to review my job applications the moment his back is turned* “Not exactly, no.”