Dial M For Murder

(My friend got a few calls from a telemarketer. One day she gets a hammer and a water pillow on a table, and answers the phone.)

Telemarketer: “Hello, I—”

Friend: *yelling as if talking to someone off the phone* “DO IT AGAIN YOU B****! GO AFTER MY MAN AND I’LL PUT A BULLET THROUGH YOUR SKULL!”

(My friend bangs the table with the hammer, imitating the sound of a gunshot. She then pushes the water pillow off the table and onto the hardwood floor with a thud.)

Friend: *into phone, very creepily* “And I don’t leave any witnesses!”

Telemarketer: *click*

(This was five or six months ago. Amazingly, she has yet to hear from the police, or the telemarketers.)