Give A Pizza A Good Home

(I work at a popular pizza place answering phones and managing the till. Late one Saturday night, a homeless man approaches our door and asks if we have any extra pizzas, which we don’t at the time. He says thanks and leaves. Then this happens:)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Place]. Will this be for pickup or delivery?”

Customer: “Pickup. I’d like to get a Works Pizza [our “everything” pizza] and a bottle of Sprite. I have a coupon for that.”

(I am aware of all our coupons and specials and we are currently not running any with this combination.)

Me: “Sir, what is the expiration date on that coupon?”

Customer: “It doesn’t have an expiration date.”

Me: “Sir, all our coupons have expiration dates; plus, we don’t even sell that brand of soda. Are you sure that the coupon is for [Pizza Place]?”

Customer: “Yes, it is, and you have to give it to me for that price!”

Me: “May I place you on hold while I ask my manager?”

(I put him on hold and ask the manager if he knows anything about this deal. He says he’s never heard of it, but just to put the order through and we’ll deal with it when the customer comes in. I tell the customer this and we make the order for him. When he comes in:)

Customer: “I talked to you on the phone about this coupon I have for your Works Pizza and a soda.”

(He shows me the coupon and I see that it is for our restaurant chain; however, not only does it advertise a soda brand that we don’t carry, but also it is not a coupon at all, just an advertisement for a special with no expiration date and no coupon code. The manager comes over to take a look.)

Manager: “Sorry, sir, but this is not a coupon. For all I know, this could be years old. I’ve worked here for several years and we’ve never carried this soda brand.”

(The manager scrolls through our list of specials and coupons to see if there’s something similar that he can apply to the man’s order. All the while, the man is getting increasingly irate.)

Customer: “You advertised that price and you have to honor it. The customer is always right! You have to give me the special! I have a coupon!”

Manager: “Sir, you don’t have a coupon; you have an advertisement for a special that is most likely years old or from another franchise because we have never carried this brand of soda. There’s nothing else I can do for you.”

(The manager probably could have given him some kind of discount, but the man has been screaming, ranting, and raving about not getting a few dollars off his pizza.)

Manager: “[My Name], go in the back and start counting your till.”

(I do this, but even in the back I can still hear this man shouting.)

Customer: “I know lots of people! You’ll go out of business because I’ll tell everybody I know about your bad service! You’ve just lost hundreds of customers, pal!”

Manager: “Sir, you can either pay full price for your pizza and get a [Brand] soda from the cooler or you can leave.”

(The man rants some more about us not honoring his “coupon” and losing customers, and then finally leaves without his pizza. My manager comes back to where I am counting my till, visibly shaken.)

Manager: “That guy was crazy. I didn’t think he would leave.”

(He looks over at the extra pizza sitting on the warmer.)

Manager: “[My Name], remember that homeless guy that was in here just before that man came in? Take that pizza outside and see if he’s still there and if he wants it.”

(I took the pizza outside and found the homeless man. He was so grateful to have a fresh, large pizza!)