Will Need To Massage The Truth When He Retells The Story

(This big, muscular guy comes in for a massage. We assign clients randomly and he got stuck with me, 110 lbs of girl.)

Tough Guy: “I requested a male therapist.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, would you like to go back? They’ll give you to the next guy when he’s ready.”

Tough Guy: “How long will that take? I’ve been waiting for two hours!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’m sure it won’t be much longer. We can go back and they’ll put you at the top of the waitlist.”

Tough Guy: “No! Let’s just do this already.”

(He explains that he likes “very deep pressure” and wants a deep-tissue massage with “lots of elbows.” He tells me to go as deep as I want because “you’re not going to hurt me.” Thirty seconds later, as I’m using my hands…)

Tough Guy: “Ow, that’s too hard! Don’t go so deep!”

(I lighten it up a lot and start to run my forearm down his back, and he starts dramatically wincing and squirming all over the table.)

Tough Guy: “OWWWW, that’s too hard! You need to go lighter!”

(By the end of the massage, I was just brushing him with my hands, his tolerance was so low. The next week, I got his comment card back.)

Tough Guy’s Comment Card: “You beat the s*** out of me and I’m never coming back here again!”