Gimme Five!

(I get to the express lane at the same time as an older gentleman. He has twelve items to my two, but I’m in no hurry so I let him go first. He loads his items on the belt as the lady in front of him is paying.)

Cashier: “Sir, are all of these yours?”

(No answer.)

Cashier: *louder* “SIR, are all of these yours?” *then looks at me*

Me: “Yes, they’re all his.”

(Satisfied, she starts scanning and bagging his items.)

Cashier: “That’ll be $36.28.”

(The man seems to ignore her and starts putting his stuff back in his cart.)

Man: “I don’t like having the bread in the front part. Half the time it gets squashed when you put something heavy on it.”

(I’m amazed, since my bread ALWAYS gets squashed when I put something heavy on it. He goes on making comments about all five bags of groceries he’s got.)

Cashier: *repeats* “That’ll be $36.28.”

Man: “Eh?” *holds a hand up to his ear*

Cashier: “$36.28!”

Man: *pulls out his wallet and hands her a $20, a $10, and a $1.*

Cashier: *counting* “I need a five and another one.”

Man: “Eh?” *holds a hand up to his ear*

Cashier: *louder* “I need a five and another one!”

Man: “What?”

Cashier: *louder* “I need a five and another one!”

Me: *holding up one finger on one hand and five on another* “She needs a five and a one!”

(The man looks at the money in the cashier’s hand. He counts it, but inexplicably adds a five that’s not there and comes up with $36. He gives her another $1.)

Cashier: “I still need another five, sir!”

Me: *holding up five fingers, still* “Five!”

(The man counts two more times, the first time still add the five he never gave, but doing it correctly the last time. He gives her the missing $5.00.)

Cashier: *gives him his change and starts scanning my two items* “That’ll be $17.11.”

Me: *puts my card in the reader, payment is accepted*

(As I take my bag, I hear the man, still behind me.)

Man: “Oh, wow. That line really grew!”

(The cashier, about half of the people in line, and I start laughing. I assume all of us were thinking the same thing: “The line grew because you took so long, buddy.”)