Getting Your Inappropriate Knickers In A Twist

(I am eight months pregnant with an UNMISTAKABLE pregnant belly. I am being a bridesmaid for my sister tomorrow and need some special underwear to avoid a visible panty line under my bridesmaid dress, so I visit a popular lingerie store.)

Me: “Hi. I’m a bridesmaid tomorrow and I need some underwear for going under my gown that won’t show. Do you have any low-waisted, seamless knickers? Something that will sit under my baby bump?”

Worker: “Oh, no, not any low-waisted ones. I’d probably recommend our very popular shapewear.”

(She gestures to a pair of those squeezy knickers designed to act like a corset that goes all the way up to under your boobs — not remotely accommodating to a giant baby tummy. I stare at her, dumbstruck, for a full minute before I can find some words.)

Me: “Um… and where would the baby go when I’m wearing these?”

Worker: “Oh… um…”

Me: “I think I’ll try somewhere else.”