Getting To The Meat Of The Issue

(When I am twelve, we move to Australia for about a year for my dad’s job. As a twelve-year-old boy, I naturally love to get fast food at a particular burger chain. Unfortunately, I am a bit of a picky eater as a child and only like my burger to have ketchup and pickles on it. But, for some reason, when I am in Australia, I can never get the right toppings on my burger. Maybe it’s my accent?)

Me: “Hi, I’d like a [Kids’ Meal] with a burger but just ketchup and pickles on the burger.”

Worker: *looks at me strangely* “Do you want the bun?”

Me: “Um, yes, I would like it with a bun.”

(I get my burger and unwrap it. There is a bun, there is ketchup, and there are pickles. But there’s no meat, no burger. I take it back to the counter.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I asked for a burger with just ketchup and pickles and I seem to have gotten a burger with no burger.”

Worker: “Oh! I’m sorry about that. I’ll replace that for you.”

(This time I got my burger and unwrapped it to find that it did, indeed, have a burger but it also had all the toppings. I really didn’t want to make a fuss at that point, so I just ate the fries and drink. I was still hungry but I was too embarrassed to go back to the chain, so I went across the food court to an independent burger place. I decided not to risk custom ordering this time and just asked for a plain burger, figuring I could add ketchup to it from the dispenser. I got my burger and unwrapped it only to find that it had ketchup, mustard, pickles, onions, tomato, lettuce, and beetroot on it. At that point, I gave up and went home to eat. I told my dad about it later and he said that a plain burger probably meant one without egg on it. Aussies are weird. From then on, I was very precise in my orders. “I’d like a burger with just ketchup, pickles, meat, and the bun, please.”)