Getting The Runaround… Drivearound?

The only idiot in this story is German bureaucracy. I have to renew my driver’s license and then promptly lose it. I go to our village council building where I got the last one.

Employee #1: “Oh, no, you have to go to the district office. Why did you come here?”

Me: “Because I got my last one here.”

Employee #1: “Oh. Well, you need to go there, but you also need a new picture.”

Me: “Can’t I just use the last one? I still have three left from last time.”

Employee #1: “Oh, no, they are older than six months; it has to be current.”

I drive to the only place that still takes passport pictures in our area, which, of course, is a village in the opposite direction of the city I then need to go to. I have to wait for half an hour, and since the only coffee shop is closed that day, I just sit in my car and wait. In Germany, you can only get these photos in batches of four, so now I have six pictures that I don’t need.

I then drive to the city and try to find the district office. My car doesn’t have satnav and I don’t own a smartphone. No problem, though; there are signs everywhere. Well, until suddenly there aren’t, leaving me lost in a part of the city I have never been to. I finally manage to find the right place — after discovering that there are apparently two district offices, but only one of them does driver’s licenses. I go up to reception.

Me: “Hi, I need to see someone about my driver’s license.”

Receptionist: “They just started their lunch break and will be back in two hours.”

Two hours later, I’m finally in line to talk to the right person.

Me: “Hi, I lost my driver’s license and need a new one.”

Employee #2: “Do you have a copy of the police report?”

Me: “What police report?”

Employee #2: “You need to report the loss to the police and then come back to apply for a new license.”

The police station I need to go to is… in the village where I got my photos. So, one and a half hours later, I’m standing in front of a police officer.

Me: “I need to report the loss of my driver’s license.”

Officer: “Great, we have a trainee who needs to learn how to do that.”

After spending thirty minutes watching the process being explained to the trainee, I finally have all the documentation I need. By now, it is far too late to drive back to the district office since they close at five, so I put everything in my glove compartment and promptly forget about it. Six months later, I remember that I still need to get a new license and, because I need to go to my village council building anyway, I decide to try them again.

Me: “Hi. I lost my driver’s license. I have a copy of the police report and a photo. Can I apply for that here?”

Employee #3: “Sure, no problem. You can pick it up in one week.”