Getting That To Fit Is A Pipe Dream

(The waste pipe under my sink is leaking, so I need a component to join two pipes. It is hard to find what I need because the pipes are weird sizes. So, I go to a specialist plumbing store.)

Me: “I need a reducer to go from 36mm to 40mm.”

Cashier: “Huh? They don’t make them that size. We have a 32mm and 40mm if you like?”

Me: “No, that won’t fit. Have you a tape measure?”

Cashier: “Here you go. Come round the back and I’ll show you the reducers we have.”

Me: *starts measuring my pipes to check the sizes*

Cashier: “Look, I’ve been in the business 35 years. They just don’t make pipes in that size.”

Me: “All right, show me.”

Cashier: “Anyway, you shouldn’t go by measuring them with a tape measure.”

Me: *thinking* “Are you serious?”

(We go into the warehouse.)

Cashier: “This is what you need. This will go from 40mm to 32mm.”

Me: “Here are my pipes. Show me.”

(He tries. Of course, the 40mm fits. The 36mm doesn’t.)

Cashier: “Huh? Let’s try… Something’s not right here. That should fit in… How about [useless component #2]?”

Me: “Sir, I never questioned your experience. However, your experience doesn’t change the size of the pipes in my house. As I explained, my pipes are 40mm and 36mm across the inside diameter. See for yourself; here is your tape measure. Can you sell me something which will connect these two, or not? Or can you suggest a workaround?”

Cashier: “I think I have a 38mm to 38mm upstairs. It might fit if we force it.”

Me: “Go and get it.”

(We try and force it on. The fit isn’t perfect, but it works.)

Me: “Close enough; it will do. How much?”

Cashier: “£1.60, please.”

(My sink waste is no longer leaking.)