Getting Over The Ditch Is A B****

I work for a company in dispatch. It’s not important to the story what sort of vehicles I’m guiding around town, but the process is mostly automated using GPS. I’m just there as backup when a human element is needed.

We have a new driver. I’m watching all of the vehicles on my map when I see [New Driver]’s vehicle take a wrong turn onto the highway. Instead of going south, he’s going north.

I radio in to him.

Me: “[New Driver], you’ve just turned the wrong way. You’re going north, and you should be going south.”

New Driver: “GPS says I’m going the right way.”

Me: “If you look, you can see that it’s asking you to take the next exit and get back on. I’m just giving you a heads-up.”

New Driver: “Awww, s***. I did turn the wrong way. One sec.”

Me: “Don’t do anything stupid, [New Driver]. Don’t you dare ‘one sec’ me. Every time a driver’s told me, ‘one sec,’ they’ve gone on to do something stupid.”

There’s some silence. I watch on the GPS map as his vehicle starts to glitch.

New Driver: “Hey, dispatch, I have a problem.”

Me: “Hello, [New Driver], did you just happen to drive into the ditch between the two directions in an effort to turn around and get stuck in the middle?”

New Driver: “Yes, ma’am, how did you guess?”

Surprisingly, we didn’t fire [New Driver], but ever since then, his informal call sign among the other drivers has been “The Ditch”.