Getting Lawyered By Both Lawyers

Caller: “Hi, I’m the plaintiff in a lawsuit against [Our Client]. My lawyers want to charge me a lot of money, so I was wondering if you would be my lawyers instead.”

Me: “I’m… I’m sorry, are you asking us to represent you against our own client?”

Caller: “Yeah, because then you wouldn’t have to charge me any money, right? Since you’re already getting paid to do all the work by [Our Client]?”

Me: “Okay, first of all, that’s not how it works. At all. Second, we’d be sanctioned for ethics violations just for suggesting it.”

Caller: “What the f***?! My lawyer was right. You guys are a bunch of a**holes.” *click*

(Three minutes later, his lawyer calls.)

Lawyer: “Did you just offer to represent [Caller] for free?”

Me: “No, we turned him down because, as you apparently told him, we’re a bunch of a**-holes.”

Lawyer: “He said what?! Hang on.” *speaking to someone else with his hand covering the phone* “[Caller], I’m resigning as your counsel. Get the f*** out of my office.” *back to me* “I’ll be in touch about this later.” *click*