Getting The Last (Name) Word

(My last name is also a first name. We’ll pretend it’s Jane McKenzie.)

Me: “I’m here to pick up my new glasses.”

Assistant: “Okay, what’s the last name?”

Me: “McKenzie.”

Assistant: *rolls eyes with exasperated sigh* “I said, I need your last name. So, that’s McKenzie what?”

Me: *sighs* “Yes, and I heard you. My last name is McKenzie. My first name is Jane.”

Assistant: “Your last name is a woman’s first name.”

Me: “My maiden name was always getting mangled in spelling and pronunciation, so I was happy to change it to a last name that was much easier to spell and pronounce when I got married.”

Assistant: “You should change it again.”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.” *rubs temples* “Are my glasses ready or not?”

Assistant: *with heavy emphasis on my last name* “Yes, Mrs. McKenzie, they are ready.”

(After I got my glasses, I made sure to complain to the optometrist about his assistant’s behavior and insistence that I change my last name, and have never gone back to that clinic.)