Getting Into This Job Is Way Too Much Work

I got laid off at my previous job, but fortunately, I found a new one during my last two weeks. I was excited to start a new chapter in my life, until…

Job: “Hey, [My Name]. We need you to start right away, so can you fill out the onboarding paperwork today?”

Me: “Sure. I’ll have it to you tonight.”

Job: “No. We need it today. As in before 5:00 pm.”

Me: “Um, I thought I explained that I’m still working third shift for the next week at my current job. I’m just now driving back from your office after working all night. I’ve been awake for thirty hours so far.”

Job: “That doesn’t matter. You need to get this paperwork to us by close of business today.”

I sighed and stopped to get a coffee to keep me alert for the next couple of hours. Then, I filled out the paperwork, emailed it to them, and finally got precious sleep for a few hours until the phone rang again.

Job: “Just checking to see if you filled out the paperwork.”

Me: “Huh? Yeah? Didn’t you get it?”

Job: “Oh, I didn’t have time to check my email yet. We need you to go to [Site an hour away] for your drug test.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll do it first thing in the morning when I get off work.”

Job: “You need to do it today.”

Me: “No, sir. I’m not doing it today. I already told you I work nights until [date]. I’ve gotten three hours of sleep in the past two days and I’m not risking getting into a wreck. It will be done tomorrow. If that is a problem for you, I can decline the job offer.”

Job: “Well, okay. But we’ll need it by noon tomorrow.”

I did the drug test and final paperwork and thought I was good. But I waited… and waited… and waited…

Job: “Hey, [My Name]. We’re almost done with the background check. We just need your address from when you lived in Massachusetts.”

Me: “I’ve never lived in Massachusetts.”

Job: “Our background check says you have. We require every address you lived at for the past twenty years.”

Me: “I’ve lived in North Carolina since I was seven. I’ve only had two addresses in the past twenty years and they are within ten minutes of each other. In North Carolina.”

Job: “We still need your address in Massachusetts.”

Me: “I don’t have one. I. Never. Lived. There.”

After another couple of days…

Background Check Company: “We got reports from the company that you still haven’t provided your Massachusetts address. Please advise.”

Me: “The advice is I have never lived in Massachusetts. I don’t know how many different times I need to say this.”

By this time, I had seen enough red flags to continue my job search elsewhere. I did eventually finish the onboarding process but quit after a week of orientation because the company tried to bait-and-switch me into a position I didn’t apply for or want. I quickly landed three more job offers back-to-back and took one that paid 25% more. 

But, still… what the heck?