Getting Ham-pered

(A customer walks over to my counter and asks if he left his shopping basket after he paid.)

Me: *jokingly* “Not unless you only bought expired ham, sir.”

Customer: “Could I have that expired ham?”

Me: “No, sir. We have to log it and throw it out.”

Customer: “Well, if you’re just going to throw it out, can I have it?”

Me: “No, sir. I have to take it out to the dumpster.”

Customer: “Well, what if I watch where you throw it out, and then take it?”

Me: “That would be stealing.”

Customer: “Well, could I just buy it, then?”

Me: “No, that would be a liability. We could sell you some fresh ham, if you like.”

Customer: “But I don’t want fresh ham!”