Getting Bitten By A Radioactive Crab Would Suck

(I’m on vacation in Scotland, visiting an aquarium. We’re getting some info on lobsters and crabs from an employee. I’m deathly afraid of spiders.)

Employee: “Here we have the king crab. Let me get one out of its tank.”

(He takes a huge crab out of the tank, and I jump back a few feet in horror; the thing looks just like a giant spider to me.)

Employee: *still holding the crab* “Er… Something I said?”

Me: *slightly panting* “No, it’s just… eh… Can you put that thing back?”

Employee: “Oh… okaaay…”

(He puts it back.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, but I’m deathly afraid of spiders, and apparently, that fear includes everything with too many protrusions.”

Employee: “Oh, I see. Hmm.. never heard of arachnophobia that includes fear of crabs. That’s a new one!”

(Later on, I hesitantly approach the tank to take a closer look. I come to the conclusion that when it’s underwater it isn’t so bad.)

Employee: “I thought you were afraid of it?”

Me: “It’s okay when it’s just sitting still, I guess.”

Employee: “You want me to take it out again?”

Me: “DON’T YOU DARE!”