Get Your Own House In Order

(A friend of mine from school is notoriously bad at everything to do with school. He’s constantly late, never gets his work in on time, and when he does show up he never pays attention.)

Teacher: “Okay, [Friend], where is your assignment that was due yesterday, seeing as you weren’t here?”

Friend: “My house burnt down.”

Teacher: “Okay, [Friend]. Why do I not believe you?”

Me: “No, seriously, sir. His house did burn down.”

(The teacher looks at me weirdly, as I usually tell the truth.)

Teacher: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yup, not his main house. It was a granny flat with most of their stuff in it.”

Teacher: “Um… was anyone hurt?”

Friend: “Couple of rats and I think a possum…”

Teacher: “Well, okay, I can give you this one, but I will need that assignment eventually!”

(For once, I think he actually did get it in!)