For The Death Of Birds

(I’m talking to my best friend via instant messaging. He’s playing ‘Persona 3,’ and apparently a fight has made him think of bird-type creatures being resistant to wind-type attacks, because suddenly…)

Friend: “You know, I’ve never gotten the whole ‘wind magic doesn’t work well on birds’ thing in games. Like, I assume their logic is, since the bird is flying it can navigate the winds better or something? I’d actually assume it would be the opposite. The winds would knock the f****r out the sky because he can’t fly. It’s not like a bird can fly during a hurricane. But, like, this is universal. It feels like all Japanese RPGs do this. Also, lightning is typically their weakness. But, like, the birds are flying. That typically makes them an unattractive ‘target of least resistance’ for lightning. Wouldn’t it? And they’re not grounded! I want some explanation for why this all makes sense because this is upsetting. I feel like my entire childhood has lied to me about how to magically murder birds.”