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Geeking Out Over Their Stupidity

, , , , | Right | May 10, 2018

(I’m an engineer for one of the biggest ISPs in the UK. I have a home visit next in my daily planner for a customer having trouble with their TV service. The notes claim it has been escalated as advanced, so I have a two-hour slot allocated for the visit. I turn up at the customer’s door and she just stands there looking at me for a while.)

Me: “Excuse me, just to confirm you are Mrs. [Customer]? I’m the telecom engineer you have booked to come and investigate a fault you reported with your television service.”

Customer: “Oh, yes. Um, so, is your partner still at the van or something?”

Me: “No, just me.”

Customer: “I thought you said you were a technical engineer, a nerd! Where are your glasses, crazy hair, spotty face, and fat?!”

(I am about to laugh, thinking she is joking, but she just stands there, deadly serious, waiting for an answer.)

Me: “I can assure you, I’m an engineer. Here’s my ID card. It should match the name on the text message you were sent, and as you can see, I have been fixing faults like yours since 2011. Would you like to show me where your set top box and router is located?”

Customer: *still not convinced* “I suppose. But I still can’t believe they sent out someone just like me. I know my stuff, but simply can’t get it to work at all. That’s why I called for help. For a geek!”

(She continues to suggest that she probably knows more than I do, and that I am just a kid who knows nothing. I start by checking that everything is wired up correctly ,while the customer is literally breathing down my neck, looking closely at what I am doing. I ask her a few more questions, and her answers seem normal — with exception to all the insults she also slides in.)

Me: “Well, so far, so good. It looks like you have everything wired correctly, and your broadband is functioning properly. Let’s see if I can get any life out of your set top box.”

Customer: “Look, you’re just wasting my ti– How the hell did you do that?”

Me: “There’s a red power switch on the back of the box. You hadn’t pressed it.”

Customer: *physically dragging me backwards by my shoulder to guide me out of her house* “Here’s £10. Change your report so I don’t sound stupid in your files!”

Me: “I’m afraid there is a charge of £65 if there is no fault found, or the problem relates to user error. There’s no need to pay me, but it will be added to your next bill. Would you like me to come back inside and make sure it’s set up properly and works fine?”

Customer: “F*** it. F*** you! I’m complaining right now! How dare you insult my intelligence!” *slams door*

Question of the Week

What is the absolute most stupid thing you’ve heard a customer say?

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