The League Of Extraordinary Diversity

(I recently moved to Florida from Scotland, making me a legal immigrant. I’ve gotten a temporary job working at a supermarket just so I have some money to keep me going. I’m also a very upfront person, and I speak my mind regardless of who it is I’m speaking to. I’m also gay but not camp. First week on the job, I’m assigned to a more senior employee for training. This happens a few days after I start.)

Coworker: “I’m glad to see you’re getting this so quickly. It’s good to see that there are still people who know how to work.”

Me: “Thanks!”

Coworker: “I’m just glad the job didn’t go to some immigrant. I’m sick of them taking all our jobs.”

Me: *laughs* “You’re kidding, right?”

Coworker: “No, I can’t stand immigrants!”

Me: “I’M an immigrant!”

Coworker: “No, you’re not!”

Me: “I am. I’m not American; I’m Scottish. I come from another country… only two weeks ago in fact. I’ve come into your country and taken one of ‘your’ jobs, so that makes me one of those immigrants you don’t like.”

Coworker: “Well, yeah, but you’re not what I meant…”

Me: “Whatever.”

(Two days later…)

Coworker: “Look at those f**s over there. It’s not natural.”

Me: *laughs again* “What? You can’t honestly be saying that to me!”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “I’m gay!”

Coworker: “No, you’re not!”

Me: “I think I would know better than you!”

Coworker: “But you don’t look or sound it!”

Me: “Oh, really? Well, if you must know, it’s a big conspiracy. There is a League of Gay Immigrants who don’t look or act gay or look like immigrants, and we’re taking over your country one job at a time. It’ll take some time, but we’re getting there!”

Coworker: *distraught* “You are what’s wrong with this country. People like you are bringing this country down!”

Me: *joking* “Well, we’re just taking back what you took from us! Give America back to Britain and you’ll be spared!”

This story is part of our Scotland themed roundup!

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