It Can Be Fun To Close A Window

(I work at the front desk of an assisted living home. One of my main jobs is to answer the phone. I live for callers like these.)

Me: “[Business], [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “This is Windows Technical Support, ma’am. I am showing a virus on your computer.”

Me: “Oh, really?”

Caller: “Yes, ma’am. I’m going to need some information from you so that I can remove it.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t think so.”

Caller: “Ma’am, this is a very serious matter. I need your cooperation.”

Me: “No, you really don’t.”

Caller: “Ma’am, please. I am from Windows—”

Me: “No, you’re not.”

Caller: “Yes, ma’am. I am from Windows Technical Support and–”

Me: “Seriously? Still? Does anyone fall for this anymore?”

Caller: “You don’t understand, ma’am. I need your help to remove–“

Me: “Oh, come on. You know I know what’s up. I know this is a scam.”

Caller: “This is no scam. Listen to me. I need you to listen–“

Me: “This is a scam. Come on. Can’t you guys come up with something new?”

Caller: *getting pretty angry at this point, which I’m thrilled with, as I usually don’t get to mess with them this long* “Ma’am! Stop cutting me off! I need your cooperation, now! This is a very serious matter!”

Me: “Yes, I agree. Scams are a very serious matter. I’ll be forwarding your number on to the appropriate people.”

Caller: “No! You don’t listen! Your Windows computer—”

Me: “My Windows computer? I’m running a Mac.”

Caller: “Well, does anyone else in your household have a Windows computer?”

(She sounds completely frustrated right now, and I’m trying not to laugh.)

Me: “Well, yes, my mother has a PC. But I’m at work right now. Why are you calling me at work?”

Caller: *sounds of total exasperation* “This is a business?!”

Me: “Yes. It’s the business I answered with in the beginning.” *rolls eyes*

Caller: “Well, why didn’t you tell me?! You are wasting my time!”

Me: *puts on super cheery voice* “I sure am! Wasting scammers’ time is the best part of my day!”

Caller: *more sounds of exasperation followed by a dial tone*

(For the record, I’m not really on a Mac. I can’t believe this call went on for so long. Kind of made my day.)