Full Of Pee And Empty Of Direction

I work at a football stadium as an usher, mainly giving directions to customers. Most of them are okay, but we get the odd one who gets aggressive and angry, especially if they’ve been drinking.

The toilets are placed around the first floor of the stadium, about 100 meters apart, with male and female toilets alternating. I am stationed outside the female toilet when a male customer asks for directions to the male toilet. I point to the left.

Me: “Just down that way.”

Customer: “How far is it?”

Me: “About a hundred meters.”

He starts yelling.

Customer: “What?! Why is it so far? How come the male toilet is so far away when the female toilet is right here?”

Me: “Every second toilet is a men’s toilet so—”

Customer: “It’s discrimination! I’m not going all the way down there!”

There is also another men’s toilet down the stairs opposite me, but I usually don’t suggest it first because most customers seem to hate using stairs. I realise that some people have genuine reasons for not wanting to or not being able to, but I doubt that is the case here.

Me: “Well, if you head down those stairs, just one flight down—”

Customer: “I’m not using stairs!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Well?”

Me: “The men’s toilets are located down those stairs on the landing or a hundred meters to the left.”

He kept yelling and spluttering for a minute or two before, presumably, his bladder got the better of him and he headed off to the left. I don’t know how he expected me to move the toilets closer for him with my mind.