From Zero to Stupid In 10 Seconds

Customer: “Hi, I just bought this machine. I hooked it up as per the manual and it won’t turn on.”

Me: “Did you plug it in?”

Customer: “Of course. I’m not an idiot.”

Me: “Did you turn off the surge-master?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Double-checked all the wires?”

Customer: “For God’s sake, YES! It was fairly simple; it’s all color-coded. You’d have to be a moron to make a mistake.”

Me: “Okay… why don’t you tell me what you did?”

Customer: “I unpacked it, plugged all the wires in, and then plugged it into my outlet.”

Me: “Then?”

Customer: “Then I put the accelerator on the floor and stepped on it.”

Me: “Ma’am… there is no accelerator on your computer.”

Customer: “Yes, there is! It’s that thing that has two buttons on either side, and that little wheel on the bottom!”

(In case it wasn’t obvious, she had stepped on the mouse.)