From Offspring To Human Meat Shield

This happens when I’m around fifteen. My family is looking to move into a new house and are looking at some options. We’re looking over a lovely house in the country that has a fantastic view of a nearby river. Despite the fact that it would have very poor Internet and the river has been known to flood, my mom seems to be warming up to it.

Suddenly, though, we round a corner of the house and she SHRIEKS and simultaneously jumps about ten feet backward while shoving me forward. We all look at her like she’s lost her mind.

Her defense?

Mom: “I just saw a huge snake!”

So much for parental protection instincts!