Frivolous Citations Really Burn Me Up
I’m driving my car with three friends inside. We’re coming back from the club late at night. The interior of the car suddenly begins to fill up with smoke, so we pull onto the shoulder and bail out of the car.
Good thing, too, because very rapidly, while I’m dialing Roadside Assistance, the whole car goes up like a Roman candle. It’s burning merrily, making popping noises. One of my friends calls 911.
The EMS arrives first, followed by the police and the firefighters. I give a statement to one of the officers and then take a ride to the hospital to be monitored for toxic smoke inhalation.
The stay in the hospital is not pleasant, but they eventually let us go. I return home… to get a citation delivered to my door by courier. It says it’s for improperly stopping a vehicle, but the actual law cited is about not putting your hazard lights on.
I. See. Red.
First, I go to the city government to discuss it. The lady behind the desk asks:
Lady: “Would you like to take a plea deal? I can reduce the fine to zero if you plead guilty.”
Nope. Not doing that. I am not guilty of any crime and I refuse to plead guilty. I am going to make this city spend its money to prosecute me. I set a trial date with the lady behind the desk. She seems taken aback by my vehemence.
The trial date arrives, and I show up in court with a bunch of records, including a video from my phone of the car burning. I’ve spent quite a lot of time gathering records and tracking down witness statements. I have not spent any time studying court etiquette, case histories, or how to speak in court correctly. I probably should have.
The officer who cited me does not show up in court.
Several other traffic cases are being heard on the same day. One by one, they approach the podium, the judge talks with them some, the prosecuting (and sometimes but rarely defending) attorneys talk some, and a judgment is made. No case seems to take more than about thirty minutes.
It’s my turn. I approach the podium and I’m quickly sworn in.
Judge: “So… can you tell me more about this citation? Something about emergency lights?”
Me: “Well, your honor, I figured that being brightly burning — that is to say literally on fire — probably was a clear enough signal that my vehicle was in distress.”
The judge thinks for a moment and then turns to the prosecuting attorney.
Judge: “Are you aware of any particular facts from this particular case?”
Attorney: “Nothing that isn’t written in the brief, sir.”
The judge reads the brief again for a moment. He glances back up at me.
Judge: “Well. It sounds like you’re innocent, then. Have a nice day. There’ll be some paperwork for you to sign.”
And that was the end of it.
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