Friends Shouldn’t Do Everything Together

(I’m sitting at the lunch table with my boyfriend and a male friend of ours. I have a large chest, and was wearing a shirt that had a built-in scarf of sorts.)

Friend: “Is that a scarf or a part of your shirt?”

Me: “My shirt.”

Friend: “Well, it makes your boobs look big.”

Boyfriend: “DUDE! She’s my girlfriend!”

Friend: “I’m just saying she has big boobs! It’s a compliment!”

(A little later…)

Friend: “If you two ever need a condom, you can come to me.”