Encounters with friends & strangers

A Dad’s Joke Is Always Dated

, , , , , | Friendly | January 20, 2014

(A friend of mine walks in and gets in my line. His ex-wife and he live close by each other, and he gets to see his daughter on his scheduled weekends, but also throughout the week if he’s not busy.)

Me: “How are you doing today?”

Friend: “Oh, not too bad. I have a date with a cute red-head this afternoon.”

Me: *knowing he is talking about his daughter* “Oh really? What do you have planned for today?”

Friend: “I don’t know. I think we’re gonna go to the park and let her ride her bike around, and then go get some lunch.”

Me: “Sounds good! Hope you guys have fun!”

(My friend wishes me a good day, and heads out the door. My next customer walks up.)

Customer: “It sounds like he’s going on a date with a four year old.”

Me: “Actually, she’s six!”

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Vintage Trolling

Friendly | January 20, 2014

(My dad loves teasing people. Almost everyone who knows us knows this, but newcomers are sometimes never sure if they should take him seriously. One of our good family friends has just gotten married.)

Friend #1: *to his wife* “Don’t worry; he’s just trolling you.”

My Dad: *grins unrepentantly* “I’ve been trolling people since before it was called trolling!”

Friend #1: “Yeah, back then we just called them a**-holes.”

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Being Taken For A Runaround

Friendly | January 20, 2014

(My son is early in learning how to move and walk. I’m meeting up for coffee with a mom friend; her son is five weeks younger.)

Me: “Everything is kind of hectic and stressful because he is just into everything. You’re lucky that yours is content with sitting up.”

Friend: “Actually I kinda wish mine was moving about more. I’m really looking forward to it.”

(My friend spends the next hour watching me chase after my son.)

Friend: “You know what I said earlier about wanting my kid to crawl? Never mind.”

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Cell Your Life Away

Friendly | January 20, 2014

(My eight-year-old daughter has been begging for a cell phone, and is jealous of her 11-year-old friend who just got her first cell, an older iPhone. My husband and I take them both to a local farm.)

Me: “[Friend], your phone’s falling out of your pocket; you should have left it in the car.”

Friend: “But I’m taking pictures of the kittens.”

Me: “I guess that’s reasonable.”

Daughter: “And her mom called her.”

Me: “Oh, why’d she call?”

Friend: “She just wanted to make sure we got here.”

Me: “Nope, we sold you to sea traders.”

(Everyone laughs.)

Daughter: “Mom? If we do sell her, can I have her phone?”

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Down Blunder, Part 2

| Friendly | December 31, 2013

(I’m a rather multinational person. So far I have lived in four countries at 15 years of age. I am moving from the third to the fourth country. I’m going around getting my shirt signed. My friend is one year above me, and from France, but has lived in Romania for most of her life.)

Friend: “Hey. I heard you were leaving! Can I sign your shirt too?”

Me: “Sure. Go ahead. Here’s a pen.”

Friend: “Thanks. So, where are you going?”

Me: “Vienna.”

Friend: “Ooh, I’ve always wanted to learn Italian.”

Me: “What?”

Friend: *condescending* “Italian? The language they speak in Italy?”

Me: “Oh, you’re thinking of Venice. No, I’m going to Vienna, as in the capital of Austria.”

Friend: “Oh, of course! Sorry. I’m not that great at Geography.”

Me: “Oh, that’s fine. I’ve been getting that all day. Vienna does sound an awful lot like Venice.”

Friend: “Okay. I’ve finished the picture!”

Me: “Great. See you.” *walks away*

(Later…)

Other Friend: “Who drew a kangaroo on your shirt?!”

 

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