Encounters with friends & strangers

We Have To Get Together Never

| Friendly | January 22, 2014

(I’ve known my friend since we were 12 years old, but over the years, we’ve grown apart. Our main interaction is Christmas cards. One day, I run into her by chance at the grocery store.)

Me: “It’s so nice to see you!”

Friend: “You too! We have to get together sometime!”

Me: “Well, I’m not busy this weekend… how about coffee or lunch on Saturday?”

Friend: *looks startled* “Uh, I’m busy this weekend.”

Me: “How about the following weekend?”

Friend: “Sorry, I’m busy then, too.”

Me: “The weekend after that?”

Friend: “That’s no good either. Tell you what; I’ll call you.”

(She never called me, and I took the hint!)

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Obviously Hasn’t Seen Psycho

| Friendly | January 21, 2014

(Since I don’t drive, my friend usually gives me a ride home after events. We’re at a friend’s birthday party playing ‘Apples To Apples.’ The round’s ‘judge’ draws an adjective card, everyone else tosses in a noun card, and the judge decides which noun best suits the adjective. It’s my turn to judge, and I get the card ‘Scary/Creepy.’ Everyone tosses in their cards, and I start going through the noun pile.)

Me: “‘Cheap hotels?’ Hotels aren’t scary!”

(Everyone looks at me like I’m nuts, and they stumble over themselves to explain why cheap hotels absolutely qualify as ‘scary.’ I must still look incredulous, because finally my friend blurts out.)

Friend: “That’s it! When tonight is over, I’m taking you to a cheap hotel!”

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Listening To The Voice Of Unreason

| Friendly | January 21, 2014

(I’m living with my two best friends; we’ve just moved into a new apartment. One day, I swear I hear voices coming from the dishwasher. Both of my friends think I’m bonkers, and we all drop the subject. A few months later, I’m sitting in the living room doing homework, while my bestie is telling me about her day and unloading groceries.)

Bestie: “There’s enough here to…” *tapers off into silence*

(I look up to see my bestie making a really strange face while edging away from the dishwasher.)


Bestie: *wide eyed* “I seriously just thought the voices were one of those strange things I accepted about you for the sake of our friendship. Like your mismatched socks and love of trashy romance novels.”

Me: “Yeah, but voices?”

Bestie: “Definitely hearing voices.”

Me: “Yay friendship!”

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Keeping Everything Happy Hour

| Friendly | January 21, 2014

(We have several people over for a New Year’s Eve party and need to choose a movie. Since no one can decide, I pick ‘The Avengers.’ I know most people like it, and hope our one friend who hates sci-fi will just accept it as a superhero movie. Unfortunately, he doesn’t. After watching the movie…)

Friend #1: “Well, that’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back!”

Me: *starting to seethe*

Friend #2: “Yeah, but, if you think about it, every two hours is two hours you’ll never get back.”

Friend #1: *laughs* “That’s true!”

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Cell Your Life Away

Friendly | January 20, 2014

(My eight-year-old daughter has been begging for a cell phone, and is jealous of her 11-year-old friend who just got her first cell, an older iPhone. My husband and I take them both to a local farm.)

Me: “[Friend], your phone’s falling out of your pocket; you should have left it in the car.”

Friend: “But I’m taking pictures of the kittens.”

Me: “I guess that’s reasonable.”

Daughter: “And her mom called her.”

Me: “Oh, why’d she call?”

Friend: “She just wanted to make sure we got here.”

Me: “Nope, we sold you to sea traders.”

(Everyone laughs.)

Daughter: “Mom? If we do sell her, can I have her phone?”

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