(My best friend and I spontaneously decide to go to a restaurant. We order a shared combo. Since we didn’t plan ahead, I don’t have a chance to go to an ATM beforehand.)

Me: “Hey, I don’t have much cash on me.”

Friend: “How much do you have?”

Me: *tells her*

Friend: “That’s not enough. You’re not allowed to eat as much.”

(During the entire meal, my friend kept reminding me to eat less and didn’t let me touch her favorite dishes. Later, her mom came to pick us up and offered to pay for the meal. My friend insisted that her mom paid for her share only and made me empty my wallet. Later, after a similar incident, I called her stingy and she got really offended. She ran off to fetch a dictionary so that she could read out the definition to me and prove that she’s not stingy. Needless to say, we didn’t remain friends long.)

Friend: “Hmmm so I was thinking to get a tattoo, you know for a change. How about you, do you like tattoos?”

Me: “You’re asking like you don’t know me. Nope. I’m not into stuffs like that.”

Friend: “Why not?”

Me: “Why should I?”

Friend: “Why shouldn’t you?”

Me: “Because I’m not into it?”

Friend: “Why aren’t you?”

Me: “Why should I?”

Friend: “Why you shouldn’t?”

Me: “Okay, we need to get a life. Seriously.”

Friend: “You bet! But why should we?”

Me: “I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend like you. Really unfair.”

Friend: “Why should it be fair?”

(I’m running errands and keep randomly bumping into the same person and her guide dog everywhere I go. The next day I’m on campus and the following exchange happens.)

Girl: *walks up to me out of nowhere and taps my shoulder* “I’m [Girl] and this is [Guide Dog]. We keep meeting so I guess that means we have to be best friends now!”

(It was the beginning of a great friendship. We now frequently talk for hours on end over coffee!)

(I’ve recently been spending time with my neighbour and her children, and they love me. Today I had a conversation with the little girl while we were playing together with her mother in earshot.)

Her: “Do you like Katy Perry?”

Me: “Most of the time.”

Her: “Do you like… One Direction?”

Me: “Hmm… sometimes.”

Her: “Do you like me?”

Me: “Always!”

Her: “Oh good! I like you, too. I like you more than [Younger Brother]…” *raises voice pointedly* “But not as much as mummy!”

Mother: *chuckles* “Suck up.”

(My housemate and I are very close friends, and we bicker like an old married couple. We’re pretty good at it too, since we used to date. People often mistake us for a couple. On this day, we’re ordering fast food, arguing as we stand in line. By the time we’ve ordered, I’m nagging his ear off.)

Server: *looks at my housemate, grinning* “Got yourself a handful there!”

Housemate: “Oh, yeah! You get used to it, though.”

Server: “I bet it’s worth it in the end.”

Housemate: *chuckling* “I get to nag this b**** right back, so yes.”

Server: *wide eyes* “So… are you paying together?”

Housemate: *smirk* “Like h***!”

Me: *simultaneously* “Like h*** I’m paying for this a**-hole!”

(My housemate takes pity on the now scared-and-confused looking server and explains that we aren’t a couple.)

Server: “But… but… You fight so cute!”