(Several years ago, the Scandinavian Community Centre built a replica Viking longship. My husband and I are volunteering in the boat shed while the ship is being built, along with several others. We need to ask a question, but aren’t sure who to ask.)

Me: “…Do you know who would know?”

Fellow Volunteer: “Oh, sure, [Name] would know. He’s just over there.”

Me: “Um, which one is he?”

Fellow Volunteer: “He’s the Norwegian guy.”

Me: “They’re all Norwegian.”

Fellow Volunteer: “He’s the one with the grey hair.”

Me: “They all have grey hair.”

Fellow Volunteer: “Well, he’s the one with the glasses.”

Me: Uh… They all have glasses.”

Fellow Volunteer: “He’s the one in the project t-shirt!”

Me: “We’re all wearing the project t-shirt.”

Fellow Volunteer: *stops for a moment and looks at the group* “Okay… he’s the guy with the beard, beside the one with the camera.”

Me: “Awesome, thanks!”

(Two of my close friends are visiting at my house. We are talking casually while playing a video game. Somehow, the topic of ignorance comes up.)

Friend #1: “Well, [My Name], you know: ignorance is bliss.”

Friend #2: *in his happiest, most uncaring voice* “What’s ignorance?”

(Cue immense laughter from Friend #1 and me. We still talk about it and Friend #2 still doesn’t know why we laughed so hard.)

(My friend and I are shopping for new board games. We’ve asked a store employee for recommendations based on other games we both like.)

Employee: “Well, you can try the D&D-based games. We have Lords of Waterdeep and Castle Ravenloft.”

(We browse the games.)

Friend: “I found Lords of Waterdeep, but I can’t find where they put Castle Raisin Loaf…”

(We’ve been inserting the word ‘raisin’ into all of our board game titles since.)

(I am at a wedding, and the reception is held in an old mansion that is converted to a hotel/guest house. A few of us walk around and I see a sign directing to the old orangery.)

Me: “I wonder what an orangery is.”

Friend: “It’s where you grow oranges.”

Me: “…Well, I feel stupid now.”

(A class dingbat comes to me in a panic because they are about to be drug tested, and they think it is a good idea to buy my urine.)

Dingbat: “Can I buy your urine? I’ll give you $200.”

Me: “Um, no. You’d fail it with mine.”

Dingbat: “But you don’t do drugs.”

Me: “Yes, but I’m also on ADHD medication, which will show up in a drug test.”

Dingbat: “No, it wouldn’t.”

Me: “Actually, yes, it would. [Drug] is a stimulant, and those are tested for in a drug test.”

Dingbat: “Yeah, but you’re like, prescribed that, so it wouldn’t show up in a test.”

Me: “So if you took an ADHD medication, would it show up on a drug test?”

Dingbat: “Yeah.”

Me: “So why wouldn’t my prescribed medication that is the exact same thing show up?”

Dingbat: “Because it was legally prescribed.”