(Marijuana is legal in Washington. Friend #1 has brought cookies to a gathering, but we haven’t eaten them yet.)
Friend #2: “I guess I’m in a weird mood. I’d ask what was in the cookies, but I haven’t had any yet.”
Friend #1: “I haven’t put anything in the cookies.”
Friend #2: “Riiiight.”
Friend #1: “Nothing but love.”
Friend #3: “I hear that ‘love’ is legal now.”
Friend #1: “Not that kind of love.”
(It’s Thanksgiving, and we’re having what amounts to a neighborhood party – five households. One couple has brought a small table for the toddlers to sit at.)
Guest: “Okay, NOW it’s Thanksgiving. There’s a kids’ table!”
All Of Us: *hoisting alcoholic drinks* “And I’m not at it!”
(We “cheers” and chug. There are SOME good things about growing up!)
(I’m on my lunch, drawing up some plans for a DIY project at home, when a worker I have never spoken to before starts to hover behind me.)
Worker: “What’s that?”
Me: “Hmm, oh, just a little job I need to do at home.”
Worker: “What is that supposed to be?” *pointing at the drawing*
Me: “A TV; I need to work out lengths for cables, fixing points, and storage.”
Coworker: *abruptly* “You shouldn’t put TVs on walls!”
Me: “Oh, no, it will be fine. I have worked out the weight and improvised a mounting method. I’m using some pretty strong toggle bolts.”
Worker: “What? No, it will look stupid.”
Me: “I… err, what?”
Worker: “You shouldn’t put any TVs on a wall. They’re not meant to be there. I thought you office types were ‘supposed’ to be smart.
(I pause before answering, to try to work out if she is joking or really that rude.)
Me: “I tell you what; I will make you a deal. If you mind your own business and leave us alone, I won’t tell you where you can stick your opinion?”
Worker: “I, err, well, it will look s***.” *scurries off*
Coworker: “What was her problem?”
Me: “No idea. I’ve done this loads of times they always look great!”
(I am in a theater watching a play for kids, which has a lot of fumbling around. After the play ends I go to the cloakroom.)
Me: *handing out my jacket slip*
Employee: *gives me a jacket that is not mine*
Me: “That’s not mine.”
Employee: “Oh, sorry.” *gives me another jacket that is still not mine*
Me: “That’s not mine either.”
Employee: “Sorry.”
Me: “Mine is green.”
Employee: “Is it this?” *shows another jacket from racket*
Me: “No.”
Employee: “This?” *show one that looks mine*
Me: “That one looks familiar.”
Employee: *brings the jacket up*
Me: “That is mine. Thank you.”
(After I got out of the door I cracked up and laughed for a few minutes. It honestly felt as if the play had followed me to the cloakroom.)
(The week before finals my friend and I are discussing things. I am asking her a favor, as I just did a favor for her.)
Me: “Is there any chance you can bring me a postage stamp for tomorrow’s assignment?”
Her: “Sure.” *pause* “That’s one of those things you put on the envelope, right?”
Me: “….”
Her: “The sticky things, right?”
