(My first daughter is about four months old. I have her in a baby carriage and am doing some shopping at the mall. She is sleeping peacefully until …)

Old Lady: “Oh! A baby!” *sticks her face up very close to my daughter, who wakes up and starts wailing in terror*

Old Lady: “Oh, no, now she’s crying! She must need a nap.”

Me: “Um, she just HAD a nap. She’s crying because you frightened her.”

Old Lady: “No, dear, I have a lot more experience with babies than you do, and this child needs a nap. I can tell.”

Me: *starting to get angry* “I TOLD you; she doesn’t need a nap. What she needs is for you to leave her alone.”

(Just then, the old lady’s friend joins her.)

Old Lady’s Friend: “A baby! Oh, she’s crying! What’s wrong with her?”

Old Lady: “She needs a nap.” *whispering* “So does her mother.”

(I have a medical condition that requires a service dog, but it doesn’t keep me from running with her every morning. Part of my route takes me past a high school bus stop. One morning, a mom is dropping their almost-late son off.)

Student: *getting out of his mom’s car* “Hey, it’s the dog guy!” *waves at me like he does every weekday morning*

Me: *waves back*

Student: “Mister, can I ask you something?”

Me: *jogs over* “Sure! What’s up?”

Student: *points to my dog, wearing a blue service vest* “Why do you have a service dog?”

Student’s Mom: *Gasps* “[Student]! What a rude question to ask!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s okay, really.”

Student’s Mom: “No, it’s not okay for him to offend you like that! It’s very rude to ask people things like that!”

Me: “Really, I’m not offended. I like it when people ask so I can educate others. I have a medic—”

Student’s Mom: “It’s okay. I know you’re disabled so you’re not good at making decisions for yourself.”

Student: *Gapes* “MOM!”

Me: “…I have epilepsy, not a developmental delay, lady.”

Student’s Mom: *turns bright red and zooms off, nearly hitting another car*

Student: “I am so sorry!”

Me: “You’d be surprised; that’s not even the rudest thing I’ve ever been told.”

This story is part of our Epilepsy roundup.

Read the next Epilepsy roundup story!

Read the Epilepsy roundup!

(It is Halloween. I’m dressed up as a superhero that wears bright red. My friend and I always tap each others shoulder and pretend it wasn’t us.)

Friend: *eating during lunch*

Me: *attempting to sneak up behind her*

Me: *taps her shoulder and immediately crouches*

Friend: *instantly turns toward me, looking down*

Me: “How did you see me?”

Friend: “[My Name], I’m not colorblind. I think I would notice bright red.”

(I’m helping to teach a children’s Sunday School class in our church. The lesson is on the Holy Ghost.)

Teacher: “Now what are some things that can distract us from feeling the Holy Ghost?”

Child #1: “Bad music!”

Teacher: “Great! What else?”

Child #2: “P*rnography!”

Teacher: “That’s a good answer! [Child #3], what’s another thing?”

Child #3: *in a deep, raspy voice* “World domination!”

Teacher: “…I’m just going to put down ‘video games.'”

(A friend and I are visiting the local museum to see an exhibition. Outside the entrance is a mechanical dinosaur on loan. My friend and I walk up to have a look. An elderly lady and her three-year-old granddaughter are looking, too.)

Three-Year-Old Girl: “Hello!”

Me: “Hello!”

Three-Year-Old Girl: “My name is [Name]!”

Me: “Nice to meet you! My name is [My Name].”

Three-Year-Old Girl: “I like this dinosaur!”

Me: “Yeah?”

Three-Year-Old Girl: “Yeah, it’s ugly like my mum.”