Acting Out Of The Dorm

| Friendly | February 5, 2014

(I am an identical twin, but as my sister and I get older, we look more different. My twin sister attends the same university as I, but we feel that it will be best if we live in separate dorms and develop our lives at the university independently of one another. I am standing in a corridor at the university, chatting with some friends. All of a sudden, someone grabs me from behind and lifts me up by the waist, spinning me around the corridor. I cannot see the person, but I can tell he is a large male. I make the assumption that he is one of my best friends. When he puts me back down, I am surprised to find myself face-to-face with a complete stranger. The stranger’s smile turns into a look of horror when he sees my face.)

STRANGER: “Oh s***! You’re not her!”

(He promptly turns and runs away, leaving my friends and I perplexed. On a hunch, I told my twin about the incident a few days later. She laughed and told me that the stranger was the resident assistant in her dorm, and he was mortified at the fact that he had grabbed a girl who did not know him!)

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Doesn’t Want To Go Down That Road

, | Friendly | February 5, 2014

(My wife is picking me up from work. I walk out of the mall doors towards my wife’s car, but since it is during the holiday season the parking lot is full and she is stuck behind a car parking, and a cab dropping off a passenger. Behind her was a very irate guy blaring on his horn screaming profanities. I get into my wife’s car as the guy is giving us the finger, but ignore him.)

Me: “Talk about a jerk behind us! Can’t he see the cars blocking us in?”

My Wife: “Some people act so horrible this time of the year.”

(The cars finally clear so we can leave, but I still hear the guys horn so I look behind us only to see the guy following us.)

My Wife: “He will leave us alone when we get to the street.”

Me: “Just in case, I am getting my phone.”

(As I am pulling my phone out of my work bag my wife reaches the street and we turn onto it, so I look behind us and notice the guy still behind us honking his horn and now mouthing the words “‘PULL THE F*** OVER’ while speeding up on us.)

Me: “I think he wants us to pull over to fight or something, but don’t worry about it.”

(I pull out my phone and make it look like I am taking pictures of him and his car’s license plate and mouth the words ‘calling the cops’ a couple of times and put my phone to my ear. The guy hits the brakes so hard he would have caused an accident had all the other drivers not given him room due to his aggressive behaviour.)

Me: “That’s how you deal with road rage.”

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Killing The Friendship

| Friendly | February 5, 2014

(While still in high school, me and a couple friends are having a sleep over and watching scary movies. The movie shows the killer has trapped two friends in a room and lunges after one of them. During the lunge, the other friend runs out the room leaving the other one behind. After seeing this, this exchange happens.)

Me: “Oh my god! That’s so horrible!”

Friend: “What? The way he killed the guy?”

Me: “No! She just left her friend to be murdered!”

Friend: “So? I’d do the same thing.”

Me: “But the guy wasn’t even dead yet, and it was two against one! What are you saying, you’re saying if we were in that situation and the killer started to attack me, you would leave me behind?”

Friend: “I would if I knew you were as good as dead.”

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Home Is Where The Heartless Is

| Friendly | February 4, 2014

(I’m having my really close friend over for the first time.)

Friend: *walks in* “Wow, you have a really nice place.”

Me: “Thank you!”

Friend: “It makes me feel like s***, to be honest.” *kicks over a vase, then walks out*

(I’ve always thought her place was much better than mine, but she hasn’t explained or talked to me since, and it’s been four months!)

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Won’t Drink In The Meaning Until Later

| Friendly | February 3, 2014

(My best friend has a mother who frequently works night shifts as a nurse, and on those nights will usually sleep over at my house and come with me to school the next day. We are about 12 years old.)

Friend: “I’m done in the bathroom. It’s your turn.”

Me: “Don’ wanna.”

Friend: “You have to get up.”

Me: “Nope.”

Friend: *pulling blankets off me* “Good morning, Sunshine!”

Me: *throwing pillow at her* “Good night, Moonshine!”

Dad: *hysterical laughter from hallway*

(It was a couple years before I figured out why it was so funny, but the nicknames stuck!)

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