Totally In The Dark

| Friendly | May 2, 2014

(I am at a stop downtown waiting for a bus. I have a few minutes to wait, so I am walking back and forth along the street. A man comes up to me.)

Man: “Excuse me. Do you have the time?”

Me: “Sure, it’s 11:39.”

Man: “At night or in the daytime?”

(Stunned by this question, I stare at him for a moment before pointing up to the dark, starry sky. There are streetlights on all around us in front of the closed, darkened mall and library. He looks at me, up at the sky, and back to me.)

Man: “What?”

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The Joke Is The Final Death

| Friendly | May 1, 2014

(My grandmother and my father died within three months of each other. I come back to school after two days of missing class.)

Teacher: “Oh, [My Name], where were you yesterday?”

Me: “I am sorry.” *close to tears* “My father died day before yesterday.”

Teacher “Oh, you poor, poor girl. And so shortly after your grandmother died, too.”

Friend: “Well, deaths always come in threes…”

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Leave Him To Lick His Wounds

| Friendly | May 1, 2014

(A friend of mine and I are in the cinema while the coming attractions are running. In the row before ours, there are a couple of cute girls, which I know will mean my friend will make a fool of himself sooner or later. Following the ice cream ad, the ice cream lady comes around.)

Ice Cream Lady: “Do you want some ice cream?”

My Friend: “No, I’m going to lick something else later.”

(The girls in front of us fall abruptly silent as they hear it, and I have had enough.)

Me: “Stop bragging. You’re not flexible enough!”

(The girls start laughing while my friend curses my guts!)

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Strike The Right Note

| Friendly | May 1, 2014

(I am in hospital. A fellow ward-mate and I are fasting for two days waiting for surgery. My ward mate hasn’t smiled or laughed in days because she is in pain. A friend comes in to visit and the three of us are talking about how hungry we are.)

Me: “Maybe we should protest.”

Friend: “You could go on a hunger strike.”

(The only thing that saved him from a slap was the fact that my ward-mate was laughing so hard.)

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Has No Idea Who

| Friendly | April 30, 2014

(A coworker and I are planning on seeing the ‘Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special.’ She’s out of the office today, but has given me her cell phone number so that we could finalize our arrangements.)

Me: “Hey, this is [My Name]! I’m buying tickets now: standard or 3D?”

(A few seconds later, I realize that I transposed two digits in the phone number. I text again to apologize.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! I have the wrong number.”

Stranger: “No problem. Have fun at the movie. And go for standard. 3D just isn’t quite worth the extra cost.”

Me: “But it’s Doctor Who! Thanks.”

Stranger: “Oh, well, then! Definitely, 3D! Spare no expense for Doctor Who!”

This story is part of our 3D Movies roundup!

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