Re-titled Those Entitled

, | Friendly | May 9, 2014

(My mother lost her sight in her sixties. She can see well enough to get to and from the ladies’ rooms at restaurants, however, and does not look her age. She is waiting in line at the ladies’ room. There is a young woman with a small daughter who was really in desperate need of the bathroom.)

Mom: “Can I suggest you go ahead of me?”

Young Mother: “Oh, really? Thank you so much!”

(As they were waiting for whoever was in the bathroom, a tour bus pulls up outside and disgorges a crowd of rather entitled senior citizens. The women in the group charge the bathroom. One of them leads the attack and begins to shove my mother, the very desperate little girl, and her mother, out of the way.)

Senior Lady: “I’m sorry, but you will have to get out of the way! We need to use this bathroom. WE are senior citizens!”

Mom: “I’m sorry, but WE were here first.”

Senior Lady: “I don’t think you understand. We are on a trip and we are senior citizens and we are ENTITLED to your respect! Now, you have to get out of the way.”

Mom: “So you’re a senior citizen?”

Senior Lady: “Yes.”

Mom: “How old are you?”

Senior Lady: “I am 64 years old.”

Mom: “Well, I am 73, I have had open heart surgery, and I am blind. I believe I outrank you, so you can all just wait your turn.”

(There is a lot of muttering, but in the end the little girl got in the bathroom first. Her mom thanked mine profusely.)

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Just Witnessing Something Amazing

| Friendly | May 8, 2014

(I’m not from the area, so I do my best to stay at the bus stop and try not to miss the bus. One day a group of people approach me as they walk down the street.)

Stranger: “Hello! Would you like some information on better living?”

Me: *thinking she means a health or alternative energy pamphlet* “Sure!”

(Instead she hands me a booklet with a list of Bible passages and their interpretations by a preacher at their church.)

Stranger: “I don’t think I’ve seen you around here, but there’s always room in our congregation for one more! You can go home and look the passages up in your Bible and come discuss them if you like!”

Me: “I’m actually Pagan, although I went to a private school where we got our own Bibles for religion classes. I haven’t read mine in years, so it’s at my parents’ house, filled with my annotations about which parts contradict each other and which ones coincide with Pagan traditions.”

Stranger: *stares at me somewhat astonished and looks to her companions for support* “Um, well, maybe you could borrow one…”

Me: “I may just look them up on the Internet. However, I’m not looking to join a congregation right now. I’m already the President and High Priestess for my university’s Pagan Student Union. I’ll bring this with me to our next meeting and we’ll discuss it instead. How about that?”

Stranger: “That… that sounds fine… Um, farewell.”

Me: *cheerily* “Thank you. May your God be with you!”

Stranger: “Er… yes…”

(She and her friends walked off in a hurry, completely confused by their encounter with me. I bore them no ill will; I was just worried they would try to convert me and make me miss my bus!)

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The Death Knell To That Conversation

| Friendly | May 8, 2014

(I’m in the car with three friends, two of which are married to each other. Friend #1 (male & unmarried) talks about getting a motorcycle, which the wife encourages. Friend #2 (the husband) mentions getting one, too, which the wife quickly shuts down.)

Friend #2: “Why can’t I get a motorcycle?”

Wife: “Because I don’t want you to die.”

Friend #1: *joking* “Oh, and you don’t care if I die?”

Wife: *serious* “I don’t want you to die either, but it wouldn’t affect me as much.”

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Inheriting Some Real Hot Real Estate

| Friendly | May 8, 2014

(I’m riding a subway and working on a crossword puzzle one day when an elderly woman carrying a Bible sits down in the seat across from me. After a moment or two of staring at me, she points at my t-shirt, a collage of AC/DC album covers.)

Elderly Woman: “You listen to rock music, young man?”

Me: “Yes.”

(She then points at my crossword puzzle.)

Elderly Woman: “And you’re left handed!”

Me: “So?”

Elderly Woman: “You’re going to the 12th circle of Hell, young man!”

Me: “I’ve read ‘The Divine Comedy.’ There are only nine circles, according to Dante. So apparently I’m getting my own private home in Hell? Thanks!”

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Shaken By A Stirring Revelation

| Friendly | May 7, 2014

(Our school is having a day where we have to come in dressed as a literary character. My friend and I are discussing who to go as.)

Friend: “I just want to wear a suit. Who’s in a book that wears a suit?”

Me: “What about James Bond?”

Friend: “James Bond is in books!?”

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