(I have a friend who’s really nice, but she doesn’t always think before she speaks. It is New Year’s Eve. She’d been to our house for NYE parties before, and the menu was usually pretty much the same: chicken fingers, veggies and dip, cheese and crackers, chips, nuts, etc. The phone rings.)
Me: “Hello?”
Her: “Hi! This is [Friend]. [Husband], [Sons], and I will be at your house soon for the party. We just wanted to get some dinner first.”
Me: “Dinner? Why? We’ve got lots to eat here.”
Her: “Well, yes, but I don’t want my kids filling up on all that junk food. We’re going to take them to [Fast Food Place] to get some burgers and fries.”
Me: “…”
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(I am talking to a friend of mine over Facebook. He has a Mac whereas I have a PC. We constantly tease each other about Mac/PC being better and various reasons why it’s so. His main argument is that Macs don’t get viruses. My main point is that PC has a lot of games you can play that aren’t supported by Mac. I found a game that he would absolutely love but he can’t play because it isn’t Mac compatible.)
Me: “Every time I find a game for you it’s only Windows.”
Friend: “It’s okay, it might become available for Mac eventually.”
Me: “I’m sorry, [Friend], I thought I found something you’d like.”
Friend: “I should probably just convert my old Mac to run windows since I still have it and it just sits in a box.”
Me: “Do it! Convert to the dark side! Or in your case… come to the light side.”
Friend: “I am on the light side. Windows is the dark side, with all its viruses.”
Me: “What, you mean games? I can’t hear you over the sound of all the fun I’m having.”
(I babysit a two-year-old and her infant sister. The baby has just started laughing. The toddler is putting together a puzzle on the floor. I have the baby on my lap, pretending to ‘nom’ on her hands, which she thinks is hilarious. Her older sister does not think so.)
Toddler: *concerned* “Stop! Don’t eat my sister!”
Me: “I’m not, honey. I promise.”
Toddler: “It’s not nice!”
Me: “It’s just pretend. She thinks it’s funny.”
Toddler: *scolding* “Mommy would be very sad!”
(My friend and I have been watching a TV show at my place when he falls asleep. I keep the show on and after a while:)
Character On Show: *yelling* “SHIRTS!”
Friend: *grunting loudly* “SHIRTS!”
(I jump, and look over, realise that he is still asleep, and think nothing of it. 15 minutes later he creepily turns to face me, eyes closed:)
Friend: *mumbling* “Have you ever been to Bolivia?”
Me: “…What?”
Friend: “Have you ever been to Bolivia?”
Me: “…No, dear.”
Friend: “You should… It’s popular…”
(He turned away and started snoring. I continued watching the show, baffled, but without further interruption. When I told him later, he aggressively denied it.)
(I’m on a youth mission trip from Saskatchewan to Vancouver, British Columbia. Because of the nature of the trip, we’re not supposed to spend too much money. My friends and are discussing this on the way.)
Me: “I took out $100 and I’m not going to use my debit card.”
Friend #1: “I wonder if the leaders will keep track? It’s not as easy to monitor when everyone has access to their bank accounts. Not like when we go out of the country and you have to exchange money first.”
Friend #2: *gasps* “Guys! I forgot to get my BC money!”
(Yep. She legitimately thought that different provinces in Canada had different forms of currency. And she was better travelled than any of us!)
