The Big Cheese Is Immature

, | Friendly | February 7, 2014

(My Scout group and I are coming back from a camp. I am sitting in the second row from the back. Behind me at the back is one of the older Scouts, who is somewhat unpredictable. As it’s hot, the window is open.)

Older Scout: *out the window, at a passer-by* “Cheese!”

Me: “What?”

Older Scout: *at a second passer-by* “Cheese!”

Me: “What are you doing?”

Older Scout: “Shouting cheese.”

Me: “…sure, okay.”

(This continues until we get to a red light and stop. A rather angry-seeming man walks up to the bus.)

Man: “What did you just say to me?”

Older Scout: “…cheese?”

(Apparently satisfied, albeit confused, the man walks off.)

Me: “I think you should stop shouting ‘cheese.'”

Older Scout: “Yeah, probably.”

(The older scout stops looking out the window. A second man walks up. He doesn’t say anything. Rather, he spits in my face and walks away.)

Me: “Ugh!”

Older Scout: “Did that guy just spit at you?!”

Me: “Ew, I think he had chips in his mouth!”

(As far as we could work out, the second guy thought that I’d been the one shouting cheese. Since then, the older scout has stopped shouting things at random people, but it took a while for me to feel clean!)

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Clutching On To Your Dignity

| Friendly | February 7, 2014

(I’m getting married in October, so I’ve set up a secret Facebook group for my bridal party to discuss stuff on. I have a few bridesmaids and a bridesman in my party, which consists of my cousin and my best friends.)

Me: “Hey guys! [Cousin] and I were talking about meeting up in either [City] or [Other City] for a trial run at checking out Bridesmaid dresses.”

Bridesman: “Um… do I need to come?”

Me: “You can if you want but don’t need to.”

Bridesman: “To the other bridespeeps: am I wanted there or is that creepy/weird?”

Maid Of Honor: “Well, [bridesman], I think they would frown upon you trying on the dresses.”

Bridesman: “And I would tell them equal opportunity fools, and then try on the sluttiest dress I could find.”

Me: “I’m going to decree that if you do that and it fits, that’s what you’re wearing to the wedding.”

Bridesman: “Oh I’ll make it fit. It just might become an NC-17 wedding, and the phrase ‘hold my purse’ will take on a whole new meaning.”

Me: “I should mention, in reality, that my little cousin and my aunt will be there with us that day…”

Bridesman: “They’re not on here right? If so I meant the most conservative dress and I will be bringing a clutch.”

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Embracing New Friendships

| Friendly | February 6, 2014

(It is my first time at Burning Man, and ‘the man’ has just burned. Afterwards, my boyfriend and some of our friends go looking for where we parked our bikes. A very enthusiastic European woman bumps into me.)

Woman: “Oh! I am so sorry!”

(She looks at me. I am wearing a scarf that covers my eyes, nose, and mouth due to dust. Only my eyes are exposed.)

Woman: “Your EYES! They are magnificent!”

Me: “Oh, thank you!”

Woman: “You simply must let me hug you! Ah, new friend!”

(Although I’m a short person, I feel I am gifted in the art of hugs.)

Woman: “Ah! What wonderful loving hugs!”

Me: “If you like my hugs, try hugging him.”

(I pull over my boyfriend, who is very tall, a little chubby, with very big hands. He is ‘famed’ for his hug talent. He understands right away that I’m pimping out his hugs, and opens his arms for this woman.)

Woman: “Yeee!”

(She hugs him, then squeals, jumping up and hugging him with all four limbs.)

Woman: “Is like he is the papa bear, and I am the baby bear! Eeeeee! So nice!”

(Some people might have been jealous in this scenario. I thought it was the most hilarious, memorable, sweet thing I had seen the whole event. My boyfriend felt a lot of joy in being everyone’s ‘papa bear’ after that.)

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No Buns In Her Oven

, | Friendly | February 6, 2014

(I am baking a cake and a friend has just dropped by to keep me company.)

Me: “Yeah, so I just put the cake into the oven.”

Friend: “Cool.”

Me: “Yep.”

Friend: “I can’t cook because I’m on my period.”

Me: “Mmh—wait WHAT? You can’t cook because you’re on your period?!”

Friend: “Mmhm.”

Me: *starts dying of laughter*

Friend: “Wait, what’d I just say?”

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Hide And Squeak

| Friendly | February 6, 2014

(My friends and I are playing ‘Hide and Seek’ in the house. I am ‘it’ and am counting down from 50, so they can go hide. When I get down to one, the following exchange occurs out in the hallway.)

Friend #1: “This is my hiding place! Go find somewhere else!”

Friend #2: “No, there’s room for both of us here. Move over.”

Friend #1: “If he finds us, he’ll get two instead of just one. Go!”

Friend #2: “Okay, fine! [Friend #1’s name] is hiding under the sheets in the hall closet!”

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