The True Price Of Friendship

| Friendly | February 11, 2014

(When I was in high school I used to drive my best friend home since we lived right next to each other. However, I would buy us lunch almost every time since I had a job and he did not. I didn’t mind it since his family was a little low on funds and I had extra money from not paying rent. Fast forward four years when his family invites me over for Christmas Day dinner.)

Friend’s Mom: “I can remember back when you two were in high school.”

Me: “I don’t miss high school and I especially don’t miss buying four burgers for this idiot.”

Friend’s Mom: “What are you talking about? I gave him $20 every day so he could get you food since you were driving.”

Me: “… I never got it.”

(I look over at my friend in disbelief.)

Friend: “Friendship!”

(And, yes, we are still best friends.)

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Cell Your Life Away

Friendly | February 11, 2014

Amazed They Passed The Bar

| Friendly | February 11, 2014

(We are at a bar getting drinks, and it’s my round. We like to mix things up a bit with what we have.)

Me: “Hi. I would like to get two vodka, lemon, lime, and bitters please.”

Friend: “Do they have alcohol in them?”

Me: “Does a vodka, lemon, lime, and bitters have alcohol in it?”

Friend: “Yeah, because that’s what I always order when I have to drive as I didn’t think it was alcoholic.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You order a drink with VODKA in the title and you think it doesn’t have alcohol in it?”

Friend: “Yeah…”

(The worst part is she is now a practicing lawyer.)

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Cooking Up Some Good Ideas

| Friendly | February 11, 2014

(My friend lives across the country from me. Every year I send him both Christmas and birthday presents. He usually gets mad at me as soon as he gets them. This year, because I got sick right before Christmas, I sent him his gift late. A few days after the ‘expected’ arrival date I text him.)

Me: “Did you get a box from me?”

Friend: “No… Why would I get a box from you?”

Me: “I sent a box last week. It was supposed to get to you on Tuesday.”

Friend: “Oh… No…”

Me: “Hmm.”

Friend: “Why are you sending me stuff, anyway?”

Me: “I didn’t send a Christmas present this year and you seem to want to try the Amish friendship bread.”

Friend: “Oh, ok… Thank you.”

Me: “Why are you thanking me? You didn’t get it.”

Friend: “It’s the thought that counts.”

Me: “Not when it comes to food. Have you ever tried eating thoughts?”

Friend: “Jerk.”

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They’ll Get It At The Eleventh Hour

| Friendly | February 10, 2014

(I’m sitting at a restaurant eating and reading when I hear the customer behind me begin to talk loudly to her friends.)

Customer: “So if a car is traveling at 10 miles an hour how far will it have gone in an hour?”

(At this point I assume she sharing an anecdote or trying to make some kind of joke but it starts to sound like she’s serious.)

Customer: “Well…?”

Customer’s Friend: “Ummm.”

Customer: “If a car leaves driving 10 miles per hour, how far will it have gone in an hour? How do I figure that out? I need to figure this out…”

Customer’s Friend: “Are you hearing what you’re saying?”

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